Archive for October, 2006

Bill Maher = Linestepper Emeritus

Even I don’t think I could rock this one

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Oooooooweee 🙂

Amazing ? Fucked Up ? Funny ? All of the above, I say

I really don’t know how I feel about this one yet…now I was just logging into MySpace when I saw the little promo for whatever the featured video of the day is, and the title is “Armless Swimmer”. So, me being the inquisitive nigga that I am, I had to click. Now before it even starts I’m thinking to myself, “Self, this is fucked up…but we gotta watch this”*. So I start the video, and let me tell you, by the time it was done I had experienced a wide range of emotions while watching this shit. Follow me…

Beginning – This is fucked up
0:30 sec. – Look at this shit…
0:40 sec. – This muthafucka is cheating, he’s got no arms ! How are you gonna be in a freestyle swimming competition with no arms ? That shit ain’t right !
0:45 sec. – This nigga is winning. Go Tadpole, go !
0:48 sec. – This is still fucked up, the other swimmers should protest…
0:51 sec. – I wonder how many laps they’re doing ? Is he gonna do a flip-turn ?
0:53 sec. – He’s going too fast ! Flip nigga, flip !
0:54 sec. – Goddamn, he fucked his head up….
0:58 sec. – I can’t believe what i just saw. I need a drink.

Now watch the video, and see if you ride the same emotional rollercoaster that I did:
Armless Swimmer

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*Yes, I’m aware that I said “we” when referring to myself…

The 5 worst rappers in the history of hip-hop

And no, this list doesn’t have Kevin “K-Fed” Federline, Young Dro, Crunchy Black, Master P, Tony Yayo or Diddy, for various reasons…but here’s who I think are the 5 worst rappers ever.

5. Warren G
I don’t care if he is Dr. Dre’s brother, I don’t care if he’s responsible for some of the hottest records to drop in the 90’s, I don’t care if he did single handedly saved Def Jam from going out of business, this nigga is on the list because he spit this garbage ass line “What’s next, what’s next, what’s n-x-e-t…”. Not only did he say it, but no one at Def Jam thought it was a bad idea to let that shit be pressed up…My boy has been trying to convince me for years that it should be “What’s next, what’s next, what’s n-ext, e.t.” as in, “what’s next ? we’re about to smoke some e.t., of course”. I call bullshit.

4. Jim Jones
This mumblemouth ass muhfucka just needs to go back to being Cam’ron’s hypeman, instead of using Juelz Santana’s throwaway rhymes and trying to be an MC…I remember the “Horse & Carriage” video, nigga. For someone who’s as wack as he is, his swagger and ego is HUGE, and I don’t know why.

3. Baby aka Birdman aka #1 Stunna
This dude has ghostwriters out the ass, but still can’t flow for shit. All you have to do is let them record it first, then go in and follow the blueprint…yet he can’t. I beg anyone to find a hot Birdman verse and send it to me.

2. Bow Wow
It’s sad when everyone and their mama know that you don’t write your own lyrics, but it works for some people…Diddy, Dr. Dre, etc. these niggas are able to take others’ lyrics, yet flow in such a way that you almost believe that they could have written it, and pull it off convincingly. But when this lil bastard does it, 2 bars into his songs you instantly go “JD wrote that” or “T.I. wrote that”. And the fact that he doesn’t realize how corny he is makes him even worse. Midget.

1. Silkk The Shocker
Not even close, hands down the worst ever. This dude has a knack for messing up every song he’s even been on. Even his brothers Master P & C-Murder, who built their careers off of poorly imitating 2pac and using “Uhhhhhhh” as actual lyrics, are better than this lame. It’s hard to be this bad, even if you do it on purpose.

So, while you marinate on that, I’ll be back later with the 5 best rappers in the history of hip-hop.

"The Bears are who we thought they were" (Updated with the Hal McRae video)

Reason #47 why Shawn Carter is just that much better than your favorite MC

Yeah, I know, he didn’t really retire. I know he’s not the best ever like some claim, but even a Jay-Z hater would have to admit that he’s near the top of the list. I know that he’s third legging Beyonce, and most of y’all hate the fact that she continues to wake up every morning, and hate him by association. I understand all of that. But by dropping this new video, it’s apparent that he is still the hottest cat in hip hop. Whether you love him or hate him, he’s on your mind, and the responses to the video on these different blogs attest to that. I put him in the same category as Kobe Bryant. Whatever the so-called “best” in their field does, these cats are just a little bit better at it, even though you don’t want to cop to it. Case in point, last year, 50 Cent dropped the “Window Shopper” video. It was also filmed in Monaco, but Curtis and the rest of his pals look like they’re on some sort of G-Unit group date. Especially him and Ma$e. Don’t believe me, click here to watch it. See what I’m saying ? Now click here to watch “Show Me What You Got”. Feel me ? Same location, better execution. Like Kobe, the intangibles are what separate Jay from the rest of the pack. Feel free to tell me I’m wrong.

Justin Timberlake is gonna die next year

…and this nigga will be responsible for it.

I just listened to “FutureSex/LoveSounds” and I thought I could hear Ginuwine loading an automatic firearm in the background. First “Cry Me A River” and now “My Love” ? Timbaland is gonna catch a stray bullet for this shit. I read an article a couple years back when Ginuwine was whining about how some of the tracks from “Justified” should have been his. I agree somewhat, but hey, when your producer is ready to work and you’re not, don’t be bitter when he moves on to something else. I bet now this dude ready to hurt some people.

*Goes to bump “100% Ginuwine”*

This shit is hella funny to me

“Move nigga, mooooooooooove, get back nigga, mooooooove !!!!”

Community Service

So, I’m at the drive-thru earlier and I bump into the same nigga I saw at the gas station this morning. Still asking for spare change. I’m thinking to myself, “Self, this muhfucka need his ass beat. How are you gonna just ask people for money all day long and not do anything for it ?”. I know what you’re thinking, “Damn, you’re cold” or “If they could do something about their situation then they would”, but follow me on this one…Dude wasn’t a drug addict, my uncle was a crackhead for years, so I know one when I see one. He seemed to be in relatively good shape and healthy (from what I could see from the outside), which lets me know that he could be doing something else. I’m not saying he could go down to Deloitte & Touche and get a job tomorrow, but if you have enough time to stand in front of various establishments, then you have enough time to dedicate to getting a serious hustle going. Recycle cans, steal a lawnmower and cut some grass, be the neighborhood car wash nigga, chip off little pieces of soap and serve it to the fiends @ $5 a pop, something. The shit works, it’s been proven. Whatever dollars are being made from the drive-thru, that profit can be quadrupled with a little bit of effort. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll hit these niggas with some change, I even buy food on occasion, but damn, step your hustle game up. So, next time someone asks if you have some spare change, tell them that you have the answers for them. “Get ya hustle on nigga, get ya hustle on”…

The lack of consistent blogging

Work is kicking my ass, and I haven’t had the time to put fingers to the keyboard, but I have plenty of shit in my head that I need to get out, so just be patient. Give it a day or two. In the meantime, to keep yourself busy, add yourself to the “Buy a nigga a drink when I come to your town” map: Click Here

This is the shit right here

"We are hittin’ haaaaaard in Oakland…."

So, I just found this little jewel, and it quickly was added to favorites list: M.C. Hammer Blog. Yep. Hammer has a blog. Y’all can hate if you want, and pretend that you didn’t

A. Shake your ass to one of his songs
B. Watch the cartoon
C. Attempt to recreate one of the dance steps

…but I know you’re lyin, and you know it too. I think it’s funny how people shit on Hammer these days and call him a sellout, laugh at his style(Well, that “Pumps & A Bump” video is funny as hell…a speedo w/ gloves and boots ? Classic.), etc. But look at the game now…flashy videos, big entourages, niggas just doing it big. Where did all that come from ?

Stanley, nigga. That’s who. He’s the reason why your favorite rapper has an endorsement deal.

*there’s a certain blogger from canadialand who posts old school videos on her blog, i think that “Pump It Up” would be a perfect addition for this week. I’m just sayin’*

Sunday randomness

…and the Raiders lost a-fuckin-gain. How can a team with Randy Moss only gain 68 yards passing ? Shit’s disgusting.

I don’t know about you, but I find this shit hilarious. These Skittles commercials are weird as shit, but this one cracks me up. I think it’s brilliant.

Clay Aiken is as smart as a bag of rocks.

On whether he’s gay: “What do you say (to that question)? … It’s like when I was 8. I remember something would get broken in the house, and Mom and Dad would call me in and say, ‘Did you do this?’ Well, it didn’t matter what I said. The only thing they would believe was yes. … People are going to believe what they want.”

Translation: I’m not gonna say anything, I’m gonna continue to give vague and ambiguous answers, because I know I’m gay, you know I’m gay, but I’m not gonna alienate my blindly loyal female fanbase. It’s worked for Michael Jackson for years.

On the future: “I want to be a father so badly. I want (kids) one day. Not now. … I would love to adopt. There’s an orphanage not too far from my house, and I’ve been up before with church. I always thought, ‘What happens to those kids who have the potential to go to college but just can’t afford it?’ I’ve been thinking a lot lately about finding a way to pay for one of those kids to go to college.”

Translation: I’m gay, so there’s a 98% chance I won’t be able to be a daddy the old-fashioned way, so I’m gonna have to adopt a little red headed girl who loves show tunes.

Nigga, you just fell for the okie-doke. Just admit it and get it over with. The sooner you do it, the better. It’s not like anyone really cares. Dumbass.

I got this pic in an email this morning:

The fuck are you doing to get hit in the foot by a javelin ? That shit just doesn’t happen…to anybody. I think it’s funny.