Archive for September, 2006

I need to find a chick with a little bit of money & low self esteem


…cause I’m tired of working. I’m ready to be a trophy husband. Yep. I’ll stay at home, wash the kids’ asses, cook dinner, all that shit. All you gotta do is give a nigga a few dollars to spend and let me tap that ass when the mood is right, and boom, I’m there. Shit, if Kevin Federline can do it, why not me ? Most dudes are too proud to have a woman make more money than them, not me. I have no shame. So, if any of you know a good looking woman, with some disposable income that she’s looking to waste on somebody, shoot me an email. I might even cut you a finder’s fee ;-p


Janet Jackson is trying to pull a fast one


Well “20 Y.O.” comes out today, and I for one can’t buy into the hype.

“Since the release of her 1986 groundbreaking album Control, Janet Jackson has done just that by taking control of her career. Her groundbreaking musical style, compelling music videos and show stopping performances have impacted the world, making her an international iconic superstar. Janet’s new album 20 Y.O. is the celebration of her 20 years since taking control and shows why she remains a staple in mainstream popular music.”

I love how people just completely ignore the fact that she had 2 albums before “Control”. Not me. I bet if I tried hard enough, I could go through my mother’s album collection and find them shits. Nigga, I remember “Dream Street”, don’t try to hide that from me. It’s true, your career was heading down the same path as LaToya & Rebbie before Jam & Lewis got fired by Prince and you all hooked up in Minneapolis, but that’s no reason to pretend the previous 4 years didn’t happen. Embrace the wackness. It’s what made you, you. We’ll still love you, even if you are fucking Master Splinter


Album Review


This right here, is the shit. I have a couple buddies in radio, and I got my hands on this about a week ago but never listened to it until today. After 4 albums, Luda finally put it all together. His previous albums were pretty hit or miss. For every banger there was questionable song to balance it out, but this one is hands down his best work, no question. Go out and buy this shit, trust me.


I need a vacation


I don’t know where I’m going, but I need to get the hell out of L.A. for at least 10 days. Right now, I’m just a pile of ashes, and 10 days seems like a good amount of time for me to re-emerge and burn the shit out of something. With that said, i’m taking suggestions.


From the "WTF ?" files…

I’m doing my usual blog drive-by this morning, and Fresh posted some flicks from a movie premiere, and Stevie Wonder was among the celebrities who came…

(Wait for it…)

WHAT THE FUCK IS STEVIE WONDER DOING AT A MOVIE PREMIERE ?


DMX is the lyingest* nigga of the week, and dumb nigga of the year candidate #7

Q. Best excuse ever for getting a woman who’s not your wife pregnant ?

A. “She raped me” – Earl “DMX” Simmons

Senator Davis, what do you think about this ?

“Sheeeeeeeeeeeit.”

Nigga, I agree. What kind of ig’nant ass alibi is that ? I’ll tell you. It’s the kind of shit you tell your mama when you accidentally set your little sister’s hair on fire when you’re 9 years old. “Why did you do this to your sister ?”, and you say, “I din’ do dat…it was Fifi(The family dog)”. Yeah right. Saddest part of all of this, his wife is cosigning this bullshit. Somewhere, Juwan Howard is calling him a lyin’ muhfucka.

*I know it’s not a real word


Changes

So yeah, I changed the template finally. I just have to update a few more of the links and work on a new banner, and I’ll be done. Since I got the “Why don’t you add NSFW tags ?” the other day (scroll down, bastards), I figured that I’d add a little section with some of my favorite posts to give those of you who are new to my hood a little idea of what this place is all about. So go ahead and click on the “Classic Material” section to the left. Also, I’ve decided to post some rules, as it is my house and I know some of you can get a little unruly at times. So, click the link and get educated on the do’s & dont’s. That’s pretty much it, so enjoy yourselves. It’s a celebration, bitches !


Damn, I’m good

The only thing that provides as much comedy as Youtube is MySpace. Case in point, look at these niggas. I’m off to see if The Whispers have a myspace.


You lose

I just got an email stating that I should add (NSFW) tags to some of my posts…nigga please. If the url for this page that contains the phrase “fuck yo couch” isn’t enough of a warning that there may be some shit going on here that wouldn’t be appropriate for work, then that’s your own dumbass fault for coming here. Request: Denied.


"You hear me ?"

Well, I had a very intelligent and thought provoking plan to write about Black men and the police, but I was sidetracked by this Youtube gold. I promise I’ll get back to my original idea at some point today, but here’s that old ig’nant shit that I know you like. Introducing Ms. Peachez:

In The Tub

“You hear me ?”


I love it when a plan comes together


So, I was taking my daily stroll through the blog hood, and I found Humanity Critic’s piece on internet beef. I was reminded of another one I saw on Cherryl’s page, that explained an ongoing issue between Kris Ex, Byron Crawford & Clyde Smith (that shit is HI-larious, from all sides). I figured that there had to be some people out there who have some sort of beef with other bloggers for whatever reason, but they just don’t have quick wit to defend themselves in a war of words. That’s where I come in. You shoot me an email detailing who it is you have beef with and why, show me their blog, and in less than 48 hours I’ll have you ready for an all out assault on the hapless victim. And unlike other ghostwriters, I’ll do it for free, just cause I’m an asshole. I’ll take you from Clark Kent to 50 Cent. Chuuuuuch.


It’s Sunday !!!

Football time. Ladies, prepare to lose your men for the next 6 months, unless you actually like the game (as you should). Whenever you get mad, just think about all the things that we do for you that we don’t particurly enjoy…parties and get togethers with your co-workers, that you don’t even like. Going to see corny ass movies by Tyler Perry that we have no interest in. Hanging out with your bitter ass girlfriends, who have nothing positive to say about anybody, even themselves. You know, shit like that. So, here’s a tip. If you don’t like the game, at least make the attempt to try and understand it instead of whining and complaining, or just wait for one of the players to take off his helmet and say “Oooh, he’s cute” or “I don’t like the uniform colors” if that’s all you have to contribute…it’s okay. It’s only for a couple hours every Sunday & Monday. I think it’s a fair trade. Don’t you ?


Exercise your right to vote

What should my new tag line be ?

  • “I come with more small talk than midget speeches!!” – The Humanity Critic

  • “Remember the name cause you’ll be screaming it later.” – Butta

  • “More shit talking than having a conversation on the toilet.” – Butta

  • “Pimpin aint easy and ho’in aint hard.” – Butta

  • “Slicker than Terrence Howard’s fresh perm.” – Butta

  • “How’s it taste muhfucka ?!?!?!” – Dave Chappelle as Samuel Jackson

  • “This is some good ass cheese” – Arsenio Hall

  • “Ike Turner approved”

  • “Illegal in 7 states and Puerto Rico”

  • “I brought sexy back in 1998, catch up…”


Monday night television

I can’t WAIT for Monday Night Football to start cause last night was slow as hell. So, last night I watched “The Unauthorized Story of ‘Diff’rent Strokes'”, and the only thing I took away from it was that Todd Bridges is Dana Plato’s baby daddy, and Gary Coleman was fucking a Michael Jackson look-alike. But I guess when you’re 4’8″ and not too cute, you gotta take whatever ass you can get, right ?


Blogger is wack

Don’t ask me what happened here, cause I have no idea. I just know that something ain’t right…


This will make you dumber for having watched it

This is the reason why I can’t fuck with music anymore. I won’t even post the video here cause I don’t want my page to depreciate because of it. This is by far the most ignant shit I’ve heard in a long time…and usually I’m all for the dumb songs, “That’s Just My Baby Daddy”, “Your Momma’s On Crack Rock”, “Can A Nigga Get A Table Dance ?”, you know, shit like that. But this is where I draw the line. Click here to make yourself lose 36 I.Q. points.


Classic Material

If you want to get an idea of who I am & what this blog is about, check this shit out:

  • White People With Good Intentions
  • The Muthafuckin Smurf Chronicles
  • Just Another Day In L.A.
  • 10 Things To Do Before I Die
  • Fun With Models
  • Be Prepared
  • “Ayy, Where Da White Women At ?”
  • “They Fuck You At The Drive-thru”
  • Bow Wow Is Gonna Die This Year
  • For Those Of You Who Have Children
  • Thought Of The Day
  • “Racism Still Aliiiiive…”
  • What The Hell ?
  • Public Service Announcement
  • A Day In The Life v2.0
  • A Day In The Life
  • The Devil’s Advocate
  • The Devil’s Advocate pt. 2
  • User Testamonials
  • Me Vs. Uncle Ruckus