It’s on my mind…

I think it was George Carlin who said something like “You ever notice that the best bodily functions all take place in a 6 inch radius ?” Whether you’re peein’, shittin, or fuckin’, it all goes down on the same block. Think about it.

Anyway, I often wonder about the origin of things…not the beginning of the universe, or the human race. Shit like, “Who was the first person to smoke, and how did he think of it ?” Think about it, what in your everyday life would make you pick up some dried leaves, roll them inside another leaf, set it on fire then suck on it ? How many other things did he try before figuring out the right combination ? Liquor is easy to figure out, at least to me. Prolly went down like this:

Random dude from hundreds of years ago named Ronnie: Ay cuzz, you still got them apples we picked last week ? The tree is bare as a muthafucka.

His homeboy, Earl: Yeah, look in that pot behind the hut. The one with the lid on it.

Ronnie:(Around back, opening pot)Damn nigga, what did you do to em ? This pot smell like boodussy.

Earl: What you talkin bout ?

Ronnie: This pot…it’s full of lumps and some funky ass juice.

Earl: Damn, last time I put em in there this didn’t happen. Shit’s fucked up, Shalonda was gon’ make a pie and shit.

Ronnie: I wanna see her make a pie outta this. It’s all messed up now…I really wanted a apple today, too. You know a nigga ain’t got no money til the 1st.

Earl: I’ll give you 2 dollars if you drink a glass of that shit.

Ronnie: Fool, you crazy.

Earl: Aight, 2 dollars and you can keep the other dollar you owe me.

Ronnie: For real ? Don’t play.

Earl: Yeah, do that shit. I dare you.

Ronnie: Gimme the cup…got me doing this shit, all I wanted was a apple.

Earl: Nigga, shut up and drink it. I’m going to pick up James & Ree-Ree. That glass better be empty when I get back.

15 minutes later…

Ronnie:*Thinking to himself* (You know what, this shit really ain’t that bad once you get past the smell) Ay, y’all niggas need to get on some of this !!!

Another 30 minutes have passed and dude is on his second cup…

Earl: Damn, you still drinking that shit ?

Ronnie: Nigga, I’m fuuuuuuuuuucked up. Remember that time we ate those funny smelling leaves ? It’s like that, nigga…but I don’t feel like I can fly this time. I just wanna lay here and kick it.

Earl: *Thinking to himself*(I bet I could sell this shit)

Ronnie: *Singing* “Someday we’ll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreamers and meeeeeeeeeeeee….”

And that is how liquor was discovered. Soon after, Earl opened “E’s Liquor & Mini-Mart”.


7 responses

  1. Anonymous

    Miguel, u come up with some funny ass shit. I bet you my co-workers think I’m on somethin’.

    May 31, 2006 at 12:58 pm

  2. jk with an E

    you’re fucking genius… that’s exactly how that happened!

    May 31, 2006 at 6:08 pm

  3. xp

    lol, ha *mad I just read this*… lol, yea I wonder stuff like that too like who was the first man to say hey I wonder if that hole is just as good? ew right?

    May 31, 2006 at 10:01 pm

  4. inciquay


    June 1, 2006 at 10:40 am

  5. ~Allie.

    I wonder who was the first person who ate a egg. Like someone said “Wow a white ball just came out the chicken’s ass lets taste it”

    I loved your story.

    June 1, 2006 at 11:05 am

  6. Anonymous

    Oh my goodness that was hilarious!

    June 1, 2006 at 3:09 pm

  7. Free

    Brilliant, bro. Just too funny.

    June 3, 2006 at 6:29 pm

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