Archive for April, 2006

Random Question

If a rabbits foot is so lucky, what about the fuckin rabbit ? He ‘s got 4, but his ass is still dead. Unless it’s a 3 legged rabbit named Tripod.


To the lovely young lady

…who made it a point to email me and say that the Suns were gonna sweep the Lakers. Series tied 1-1 (the Lakers should be up 2-0), with the next 2 games at Staples Center…how are you feeling right about now ? And the play that sealed the victory ? Kobe shows Steve Nash that he, not Nash was the real MVP was this season. Shit’s disgusting.


Nick Lachey Is A Bitch

Ok, Jessica left. We get it. I don’t need to see him EVERYWHERE to reinforce this point. Everytime I turn on the tv, listen to the radio, go to the supermarket, he’s there. Shit, I can’t even check my email without Yahoo! having a Nick/Jessica story on the front page. But that’s not why he’s a bitch…it’s the constant whining and crying that irks me. She left you, so what ? You’re not the first and won’t be the last dude to get dumped, deal with it. As my man Dave Chappelle once said, “Tough break, nigga…”. Even Justin Timberlake’s punkass didn’t go out like this. He jumped right back out there dated a couple Hollywood types, then recorded a mighty fine “fuck you” song just for Britney. Then he went on to pull Janet Jackson’s titty out at the Super Bowl, and started dating an A-list actress. Mr. Lachey, “What’s Left Of Me” is no “Cry Me A River”. It may as well be called “Baby Please Come Back Cause I’m A Simp…Let Me Hold 10 Dollars”. If it was me, I’d be tagging all kinds of choice Hollywood ass right now. You’re hot shit right now, take advantage. Stop crying.


Because EVERYBODY needs to see this…8 minutes of pure comic gold

So, I’m bouncing around, checking out blogs today, and I see this posted @ Take It Outside, Bitch !. Believe me when I tell you that I couldn’t even make it all the way through, the shit is so funny. I know that i said the video of “Stomper” (scroll down) was the best ever, but this one just knocked it out of the #1 spot. Damn, I love YouTube.

This shit made my day. “CUT THIS BITCH OFF, NEXT CALLER !!!”


Sunday shit…


Because I’m too lazy to come up with anything today(and the NBA Playoffs are on), watch these videos and enjoy them like I did. Chuuuch.

Midget Kickboxing

Midget Breakdancing


Knock Knock…

Ladies, if some random old dude knocks on your door offering free breast exams and you let him in, I won’t feel sorry for you when you find out it wasn’t a real doctor playing with your titties. Not one iota of sympathy. Click here for the story: Put Em On The Glass

The fact that my man said to himself, “Self, we haven’t rubbed a titty in a while. I think it’s been to long. What shall we do, what shall we do ?”. After thinking it over for about 43 seconds…”I got it ! I can pretend to be a doctor, who’s going door to door, giving free breast exams ! That’s a brilliant idea.” The fact that he pulled off this ignant shit not once, but twice, earns him a spot on the “Nigga Of The Year” ballot.


Best.Video.Ever.

Anyone who knows me, already knows that I love mascots. Doesn’t matter what it is, people in costumes crack me the fuck up. I don’t know why, I just get a kick out of them. This is a clip of the Oakland A’s mascot, Stomper, gettin hyphy and going dumb. If you’ve never been, the Bay Area is like no where else. This “hyphy” movement is proof of that. EVERYBODY is into it…even the mascots. Watch & enjoy:


Thought Of The Moment

You achieve total enlightenment when you realize that everything in your life is an illusion.


Powerful Lyrics v3.0

June’s homie Nev has a list of “Powerful Lyrics” on his blog. You know, the lines that just reach out and touch the depths of your soul. June has followed suit, and come up with a list of her own. I decided to jump on the bandwagon and come up with a list of my own…but my list is a little different. All these songs touch me, but for a different reason. These are some lines from some of the most arrogant and assholish songs in the world, and I love them.

I got a penthouse in Manhattan, two more in Malibu.
I bought a ’87s Cadillac Seville, girl I got a Mazarati too.
I wear diamonds on my fingers, I got a couple on my toes.
I wear the finest perfume money can buy, it keeps me smellin’ like a rose.
If you wonder how I do it, there’s just one simple rule.
I’m just cool. (Cool !)

Chorus:
Coo-o-ol
Honey, baby, can’t you see?
Girl, I’m so cool. (Cool !)
Ain’t nobody bad like me
C-O-O-L
What’s that spell?
C-O-O-L
“Cool” – The Time

You looked like you ain’t been boned in a while
Pick up the motherfucking phone and dial
And have your money in a big ass stack
I’m slingin this dick like a new jack, (Bitch), so
“Bitch Betta Have My Money” – AMG

This one takes me back to my high school days. From the opening “Awwwwwwwwwwww shit” (which STILL gets people to the dance floor with no delay), this song has “I can’t believe he said that” all over it.

Sometimes I park in the handicapped spaces
While handicapped people
Make handicapped faces
I’m an asshole(he’s an asshole, what an asshole)
I’m an asshole(he’s a real fucking asshole)
“Asshole” – Dennis Leary

I’m sorry, this song is just funny, I don’t care who you are.

Some believe in Jesus
Some believe in Allah
But niggaz like me believe im making dollars
Cause even when yo niggaz wanna be untrue
You know the money’s still good to you
Yes, Yes
Some believe in love and some believe in friends
But niggaz like me believe in making ends
Cause even when yo bitch wants to trick around
You know the moneys got you safe and sound
“Safe & Sound” – DJ Quik

Ahhh, the wisdom of David Blake. This song represents what most people think, but don’t want to admit. It’s brilliant.

I’m bailin in the spot, just flossin’ bitch
Steppin on shoes, disrespecting, and tossin shit
When I’m outside nigga I’ma piss on your whip
Fuck the bartender, nah I ain’t leavin a tip
“Fuck Yo Couch” – Bailey

The Unofficial theme song of this blog. Not too many people even know about this song, but it worked it’s way from the Bay Area down here to L.A., and it’s another brilliant piece of work. But what seals the deal is the line “I don’t gotta be in your house to fuck up your couch”. Listen for yourself: Fuck Yo Couch


Kevin Federline officially has been granted nigga status

I knew the day would come, I just didn’t know it would be this soon. K-Fed is no longer honorary, he’s now official. This, plus other events, makes him eligible for the 2006 “Nigga Of The Year” award.

Child Welfare Visits Spears’ Home
Tue Apr 11, 5:41 PM ET

Child welfare officials and a sheriff’s deputy visited the home of Britney Spears but declined to say Tuesday whether they were investigating the pop princess.

Spears and her husband, Kevin Federline, are the parents of an infant son, Sean Preston.

The Los Angeles Department of Children and Family Services and the Lost Hills sheriff’s station declined to give details of Saturday afternoon’s visit.

“It’s a very standard, routine patrol request,” Lt. Debra Glaskides said Tuesday. “We just roll out with them. We stood by, we took no action, no report or anything.”

The Sheriff’s Department said it was a DCFS matter and couldn’t release any information. Glaskides said there may not even be a DCFS investigation, noting it may have been only a welfare check.

Phone and e-mail messages left for Spears’ New York publicist, Leslie Sloane Zelnik, weren’t immediately returned.

In February, DCFS visited Spears’ home after publication of photographs showing the 24-year-old singer driving with then 4-month-old Sean Preston in her lap, rather than in a car seat as required by law.

Spears later apologized, saying she did it because of a “horrifying, frightful encounter with the paparazzi.”

DCFS director Louise Grasmehr didn’t return a phone message left Tuesday at her Los Angeles office. The department routinely refuses to discuss cases, citing confidentiality laws.


Random Monday shit

Updated throughout the day:

This job is going to force me to assault someone.

Why is Missy Elliott constantly putting her head on another dancers’ body ? Like we don’t know the difference…

“Spies Like Us” is hella funny to me:

Russian Interregator #1: Why are you here?
Emmett Fitz-Hume: Why am I here? Why are you here? Why is anybody here? I think it was Jean-Paul Sartre who once said… how do you spell spell Sartre?
[soldier slaps him]
Emmett Fitz-Hume: Owww… and let that be a lesson to you.
Russian Interregator #2: Every minute you don’t tell us why you are here, I cut off a finger.
Emmett Fitz-Hume(Chevy Chase): Mine or yours?
Russian Interregator #2: Yours.
Emmett Fitz-Hume(Chevy Chase): Damn!
[soldier slaps him again]
Emmett Fitz-Hume(Chevy Chase): Why do you keep slapping me ? He said he’s gonna cut off my finger.

We met this chick at the “3am, after the club, i’ll eat anything” spot…my boy recognized her. Apparently she does porn…I want to skeet on her, but she’s dirty. I can’t be with a chick who sucks balls for a living. But she can buy me a pair of J’s though…

I was walking back to my car earlier, and this chick handed this to me:

She didn’t tell me to follow the white rabbit, but I’m still waiting on a phone call from “Morpheus” to tell me which way the agents are coming from.

The kids on “My Super Sweet 16” on MTV need a good, old-fashioned Arkansas asswhuppin. I don’t care how much money you have, if you allow your children to speak to you in that manner, you’s a bitch.

I’m telling you, “Spies Like Us” is the shit:

[Milbarge and Fitz-Hume hear a sound]
Emmett Fitz-Hume(Chevy Chase): What was that?
Austin Millbarge(Dan Akroyd): It was a dickfor.
Emmett Fitz-Hume(Chevy Chase): What’s a dickfor?
Austin Millbarge(Dan Akroyd): To pee with.

I need a vacation…really.

The great poet O’Shea Jackson once said, “I’m as tight as the night I had to wipe activator off the mic, in 1985…”

It’s the 1st week of baseball season, and the Dodgers already suck. Go Angels !

“TIMMMMAYYYYYYY !!!”

I waited 2 years for “The Sopranos” to come back, and this is what I get ? Some big shit better go down, and soon.

“…know you don’t like me cause, yo bitch most likely does…”

Big Daddy Kane doesn’t have a record deal, but Chingy is working on his 3rd album ?

“I drink champagne when I hustle, I drink champagne with Nipsey Russell…”

I, like the gentleman above, loves me some juicy melons.

Does anybody have Kimora’s phone number ?

I think Magic Johnson died in 1997, and this is a cyborg running around today, pretending to be him.

Turn your speakers on and click this: Touching things is fun

“Nia Loooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggg !!!!!!”

More to come…


The most ignant shit ever…EVER !

I really don’t know what to say about this. Discuss amongst yourselves while I wipe the tears of laughter from my face…Going waaaaaaaaaay past the levels of nigga-osity presented to us by Bubb Rubb & Lil’ Sis (Click this shit too…WOO WOOOOOO), I give to you:

Leprechaun In A Tree(part 1)

Leprechaun In A Tree (part 2)

Now, who saw one of their relatives in this video ? I know I did. And these aren’t little kids, these are grown-ass people talking about this. I can’t get enough of it. I sooooooooooooo hope this ain’t real 🙂

I mean, come on…


Niggas & Niggettes

Let me learn ya somethin…I just read this on yahoo. I’ll be back with a real post later. I’m pretending to work right now 🙂

Stay Up Late and See Something Odd
By SETH BORENSTEIN, AP Science Writer Tue Apr 4, 12:17 PM ET

WASHINGTON – Call it a coincidental sign of our digital times or a reason to stay up late and stare at the clock. Either way, early Wednesday morning the time and date will be 01-02-03-04-05-06.

At 1:02 a.m. and three seconds on Wednesday, April 5, 2006, it will be the first hour of the day, the second minute of the hour, the third second of that precious minute in the fourth month and the fifth day of … uh oh. It’s not really the sixth year.

It’s actually 2006 — only in our shorthand is it ’06.

“It just happens to be a chronological oddity,” said Geoff Chester, spokesman for the U.S. Naval Observatory, an official world atomic clock timekeeper. “If you were to use the full year, that would screw things up completely. You do have to bend it a little if you want to make it work. That’s what you call ‘Finagle’s Law of Best Fit’.”

Even numerologists, such as Rob Ragozzine, who runs the SimplyNumbers.com web site, dismiss the 1-2-3-4-5-6 moment as merely “a neat coincidence” because of that pesky 2006 thing.

“People are interested in numbers,” said Jack Horkheimer, 67-year-old host of the Star Gazer public television show and executive director of the Miami Space Transit Planetarium. “Would I stay up all night waiting for it? Ten years ago, I would have had a party. Now, I will probably be deep in the arms of sleep.”

There are less bleary-eyed alternatives. There’s 1:02 p.m., but Horkheimer said that’s really 13:02 p.m. and doesn’t really count.

Chester recommends celebrating universal time, the standard scientific time, which is four hours ahead of eastern daylight time. So 01-02-03-04-05-06 can be celebrated at 9:02 p.m. EDT by calling up the U.S. Naval Observatory’s “master clock” then and waiting for the universal time pronouncement, he said. That number is 202-762-1401.

The clock is also on the web at: http://tycho.usno.navy.mil/what1.html.

For much of the world, especially Europe, this odd line-up of numbers doesn’t really happen until next month. That’s because many countries put the number of the day first, then the number of the month. So for many places, 01-02-03-04-05-06 happens at 1:02 a.m. May 4.


Song O’ The Day

Discuss amongst yourselves…

(L-R Top: Laylaw, DJ Yella, Dr. Dre, The D.O.C., L-R Bottom: Ice Cube, Eazy-E, MC Ren)


Gangsta Gangsta – N.W.A.

Verse One: Ice Cube

Here’s a little somethin’ bout a nigga like me
never shoulda been let out the penititary
Ice Cube would like ta say
That I’m a crazy mutha fucka from around the way
Since I was a youth I smoked weed out
Now I’m the mutha fucka that ya read about
Takin’ a life or two
that’s what the hell I do you don’t like how I’m livin
well fuck you!
This is a gang and I’m in it
My man Dre’ll fuck you up in a minute
With a right left, right left you’re toothless
And then you say goddamn they ruthless!
Everwhere we go they say [damn!]
N W A’s fuckin’ up tha program
And then you realize we don’t care
We don’t just say no, we to busy sayin’ yeah!
To drinkin’ straight out the eight bottle
Do I look like a mutha fuckin role model?
To a kid lookin’ up ta me
Life ain’t nothin but bitches and money.
Cause I’m tha type o’ nigga that’s built ta last
If ya fuck wit me I’ll put a foot in ya ass
See I don’t give a fuck ’cause I keep bailin
Yo, what the fuck are they yellin

Chorus:

Gangsta, Gangsta! That’s what they’re yellin
“It’s not about a salary, it’s all about reality” – KRS One
Gangsta, Gangsta! That’s what they’re yellin
“Hopin you sophisticated motherfuckers hear what I have to say”

Verse Two: Ice Cube

When me and my posse stepped in the house
All the punk-ass niggaz start breakin out
Cause you know, they know whassup
So we started lookin for the bitches with the big butts
Like her, but she keep cryin
“I got a boyfriend” Bitch stop lyin
Dumb-ass hooker ain’t nuttin but a dyke
Suddenly I see, some niggaz that I don’t like
Walked over to em, and said, “Whassup?”
The first nigga that I saw, hit em in the jaw
Ren started stompin em, and so did E
By that time got rushed by security
Out the door, but we don’t quit
Ren said, “Let’s start some shit!”
I got a shotgun, and here’s the plot
Takin niggaz out with a flurry of buckshots
Boom boom boom, yeah I was gunnin
And then you look, all you see is niggaz runnin
and fallin and yellin and pushin and screamin
and cussin, I stepped back, and I kept bustin
And then I realized it’s time for me to go
So I stopped, jumped in the vehicle
It’s like this, because of that who-ride
N.W.A. is wanted for a homicide
Cause I’m the type of nigga that’s built to last
Fuck wit me, I’ll put my foot in your ass
See I don’t give a fuck, cause I keep bailin
Yo, what the fuck are they yellin?

Chorus:

Gangsta, Gangsta! That’s what they’re yellin
“It’s not about a salary, it’s all about reality” – KRS One
Gangsta, Gangsta! That’s what they’re yellin
“He’ll tell you exactly how he feel, and don’t want a fuckin thing back”

Verse Three: Ice Cube

Homies all standin around, just hangin
Some dope-dealin, some gang-bangin
We decide to roll and we deep
See a nigga on Dayton’s and we creep
Real slow, and before you know
I had my shotgun pointed in the window
He got scared, and hit the gas
Right then, I knew I has to smoke his ass
He kept rollin, I jumped in the bucket
We couldn’t catch him, so I said fuck it
Then we headed right back to the fort
Sweatin all the bitches in the biker shorts
We didn’t get no play, from the ladies
With six niggaz in a car are you crazy?
She was scared, and it was showin
We all said “Fuck you bitch!” and kept goin
To the hood, and we was fin to
Find somethin else to get into
Like some pussy, or in fact
A bum rush, but we call it rat pack
On a nigga for nuttin at all
Ice Cube’ll go stupid when I’m full of eight ball
I might stumble, but I won’t lose
Now I’m dressed in the county blues
Cause I’m the type of nigga that’s built to last
If you Fuck wit me, I’ll put my foot in your ass
I don’t give a fuck, cause I keep bailin
Yo, what the fuck are they yellin?

Interlude: Ice Cube, Dr. Dre

[Wait a minute, wait a minute, cut this shit]
{Man whatcha gonna do now?}
“What we’re gonna do right here is go way back”
[How far you goin back?]
“Way back”
“As we go a lil somethin like this” – Slick Rick

Here’s a lil gangsta, short in size
A t-shirt and Levi’s is his only disguise
Built like a tank yet hard to hit
Ice Cube and Eazy E cold runnin shit

Verse Four: Eazy E, MC Ren

Well I’m Eazy E the one they’re talkin about
Nigga tried to roll the dice and just crapped out
Police tried to roll, so it’s time to go
I creeped away real slow and jumped in the six-fo’
Wit the “Diamond in the back, sun-roof top”
Diggin the scene with the gangsta lean
Cause I’m the E, I don’t slang or bang
I just smoke motherfuckers like it ain’t no thang
And all you bitches, you know I’m talkin to you
“We want to fuck you Eazy!” I want to fuck you too
Cause you see, I don’t really take no shit
[So let me tell you motherfuckers who you’re fuckin with]
Cause I’m the type of nigga that’s built to last
If you Fuck wit me, I’ll put my foot in your ass
I don’t give a fuck, cause I keep bailin
Yo, what the fuck are they yellin?

Chorus:

Gangsta, Gangsta! That’s what they’re yellin
“It’s not about a salary, it’s all about reality” – KRS One
Gangsta, Gangsta! That’s what they’re yellin
“He’ll fuck up you and yours, and anything that gets in his way”

Gangsta, Gangsta! That’s what they’re yellin
“It’s not about a salary, it’s all about reality” – KRS One
Gangsta, Gangsta! That’s what they’re yellin
“He’ll just call you a low-life motherfucker, and talk about your
funky ways”


Nothing to see here

I was gonna do an April Fools post yesterday, but decided, “naaaaaaaaaaah”. Besides, I finally got my hands on an Xbox 360, so I’m gonna play until my thumbs fall off. Chuuuch.