Archive for March, 2006

Public Service Announcement 03/30/06

Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive, more outgoing?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila.

Tequila is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you’re ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Tequila almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had.

Tequila may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila. However, women who wouldn’t mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, pregnancy, memory loss, std, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Click Here To See The P.S.A. for November

Click Here To See The P.S.A. for December

Click Here To See The P.S.A. for January

Click Here To See The P.S.A. for February

I amaze myself sometimes

My friend Lisa is an illisionist…one of the best in the world, actually. And while looking at their website*, I realized something that Magic X* was missing something…a nigga. Think about it, I’ve never seen a black magician. Ever. Have you ? Didn’t think so. So I’m thinking, that’s an untapped market. The closest thing we have to it is Willie Tyler & Lester:

I think it would be brilliant. We can call it “Black Magic X”, kinda like Dave Chappelle’s “Black Gallagher” skit. It’s got “hit” written all over it. What you think ?

*Shameless plug

"Dumbest Nigga Of The Year" candidate # 4

Village People’s Original Cop Collared
By Sarah Hall Tue Mar 28, 12:07 PM ET

The Village People’s original cop has run afoul of the law once again.

Victor Willis, the flamboyant disco band’s former lead singer, was collared in San Francisco Sunday after disappearing last year while drug and gun charges were pending against him. He was due in court Tuesday.

Willis was first arrested last July when police discovered a loaded .45, crack cocaine and assorted drug paraphernalia in his car during a traffic stop.

The ex-Village Person agreed to a plea deal that meant he would serve no more than 16 months behind bars, but then skipped out on his sentencing hearing in October and has been missing ever since.

Because he went AWOL, Willis now faces four years, four months behind bars, as well as an additional eight months on possible new narcotics charges, San Mateo County Assistant District Attorney Morley Pitt said.

“It’s just sad that his life has spiraled down to the point where in all likelihood he’s going to go to prison,” Pitt told Reuters. “You never like to see anybody go to prison, let alone somebody who is 54 years old.”

Willis was previously convicted of possessing drugs in 1990 and was acquitted of rape in 1993.

The onetime singer cofounded the Village People in 1977 and shares writing credits on many of the band’s biggest hits, including “In the Navy” and “YMCA.” In 1979, he left the group, shortly before shooting started on the Village People film, Can’t Stop the Music.

The iconic band, made up of the Cop, the Native American (Felipe Rose), the Soldier (Alex Briley), the Construction Worker (David Hodo), the Cowboy (Jeff Briley) and the Biker (Eric Anzalone), took its inspiration from icons of social groups indigenous to New York’s Greenwich Village, according to the official Village People Website.

After Willis left, he was replaced by Ray Simpson, who remains the group’s policeman today.
Story Here

Other Candidates:
Nominee #1 Marcus Vick: Gunslinger

Nominee #2 Maurice Clarett

Nominee #3 Ricky Williams: Ricky Sticky Icky

Contrary to popular belief…

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Michael Jackson is not a great dancer. I don’t know where this shit came from, or who started it, but the nigga can’t dance. He’s been doing the same moves since I was 4 years old. I mean, when you’re a kid, the moonwalk looks dope. As an adult I realize that I’ve been brainwashed into thinking dude can really dance. Think about it, when have you EVER seen Mike do a current dance step ? I’ll tell you…in the “Remember The Time” video. That’s it. This man does the same “spin, leg kick, stand on my toes, grab my balls and point to the left” moves since 1982, yet is praised for his skill as a dancer. As Charlie Murphy would say “wrong…WRONG !”. This fool looks like he’s having a conniption fit…choreographed madness.
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They burned my baby !!!

Fire kills man, destroys 100 cabins on Princess Cruises ship on way to Jamaica

By Tom Stieghorst
South Florida Sun-Sentinel
Posted March 24 2006

For 21 years, the cruise industry has found comfort in the fact that accidents aboard ships at sea haven’t resulted in the death of a passenger.

That string ended Thursday with a fatal fire on a Princess Cruises ship that killed one man and left 11 guests suffering from smoke inhalation.

The fire started about 3:10 a.m. in a passenger area as the 109,000-ton Star Princess was en route from Grand Cayman to Montego Bay, Jamaica. It damaged at least 100 cabins before being extinguished by ship personnel.

Jamaican police identified the man who died as Richard Liffidge, 75, of Georgia. In a statement, Princess said the death was caused by heart failure.

“This is the first time such a tragedy has occurred in the history of our company, and we are devastated,” the Princess statement said.

The ship was carrying 2,690 passengers who were roused from bed and asked to report to their muster stations.

Zach Bramlage, 19, of Columbus, Ohio, was having a late-night meal when word spread that there was a fire.

“Some people just ran in where we were eating and told us the ship is on fire and we got our life vests real quick and headed downstairs,” Bramlage said. “I was pretty scared initially but the captain came over the (intercom) and told us everything was going to be all right.”

By mid-morning on Thursday, Princess said the fire was fully out but that residual smoke remained in the damaged area.

Princess will cut short the seven-night Star Princess cruise that left Fort Lauderdale March 19 and has cancelled the March 26 sailing. Passengers will be flown home from Jamaica over the next two days with full refunds.

Relatives of passengers on the ship can call 1-800-693-7222 for more information, Princess said.

The Star Princess fire comes on the heels of a separate accident Wednesday in Chile in which 12 passengers on a shore excursion from a Celebrity Cruises ship died when a tour bus plunged off a road near the Peruvian boarder.

That ship, Celebrity’s Millennium, left Arica, Chile, on Thursday morning bound for Lima. It is still expected to finish its 14-day cruise on April 2 at Port Everglades.

The tour bus that crashed, operated by Andino Tours, was not registered to carry passengers, according to an official with Chile’s Transportation Ministry. Eight of the 12 passengers who died in the crash were part of a B’nai B’rith group from New Jersey.

The back-to-back misfortunes involving cruise passengers may spook some prospective cruise patrons. But the head of the cruise trade association said on Thursday that the industry’s safety record is still good.

“There will be lessons learned, and we will apply those lessons,” said Michael Crye, president of the International Council of Cruise Lines. The fire prevention systems worked as intended to stop the spread of the fire, he said.

The Coast Guard is sending three officers to help investigate the cause of the fire, and a spokesman for the National Transportation Safety Board said it was also sending an investigator. The main investigation falls to the London-based Marine Accident Investigation Branch because Millennium is registered in Bermuda.

The last time a cruise ship accident caused a passenger’s death was in August 1984, when the Scandinavian Sun caught fire as it entered the Port of Miami, killing Colleen Skantar, of Greenacres City, who was escorting a youth group from Delray Beach.

Since then, ships have been grounded, caught fire, and collided with other vessels in accidents that have injured passengers or killed crew members, but not resulted in the death of a passenger until Thursday’s fire.

Cruise safety is an important economic issue for South Florida, where the three largest global cruise brands are headquartered.

Already, the industry is under some pressure from investors because of weaker than expected results. On Thursday, the largest firm in the industry, Carnival Corp., reported lower earnings because of weak demand for Caribbean cruises.

Carnival vice chairman Howard Frank had to break the news of the Star Princess fire on a conference call meant to brief investors on financial matters. Princess Cruises is a subsidiary brand of Carnival Corp.

The Associated Press contributed to this story.

Click here to see video

I’m watching CNN earlier, and i see a video of the Star Princess sailing into Jamaica burned the fuck up. For those who don’t know, I worked for Princess Cruises for 4+ years, and of the 6 or 7 ships I worked on, the Star was by far my favorite…and someone had to go and burn her. The fire started on a balcony, so I have a pretty good idea of what happened. Most likely someone was smoking on their balcony and tossed the cigarette butt over the side, and it got blown back into another balcony below it. Even though we would go over the safety information before we even set sail, inevitably, without fail, we’d catch people doing dumb shit that we told them not to do. So, I’m willing to bet that when the investigation is done, that’s what the conclusion will be.

C.O.N.-spiracy !

While taking a moment to bash ol’ Shar Jackson over at C+D, I was put up on something. Apparently, she’s living in an 8 million dollar crib that Britney bought for her. That revelation got me to thinking…what if all of this was planned by Shar & Kevin to get some of that pop star money ? Think about it, she was pregnant with her 2nd kid, I’m sure the “Moesha” money was dried up, Kevin couldn’t be caking too much dancing in videos, so they came up with a plan. To get some A-list money, by any means necessary. I think that Britney & Kevin met at a club after they were introduced by a “mutual friend”. Come on now, this shit has long con written all over it. As long as Shar and Kevin can keep up the verbal jabs in the media, they can run this one for a while. Now remember if this shit ends up being true, remember you heard it here first. PopoZao !

"Hoes got to eat too…"

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Hard out here for a pimp ? Sheeeit, it’s hard out here for Australian hoes…the strip club owners in Australia keep their pimp hand strong…they weren’t even letting them eat. LOL @ the union spokeswoman being named “Mystical Melody“.

Strippers Win Right to Meal Breaks, OT
Fri Mar 17, 8:15 AM ET

SYDNEY, Australia – Australian strippers have won the right to take time off after taking their clothes off.

The country’s Industrial Relations Commission on Friday approved new workplace rules for members of the strippers’ union, the Striptease Artists Australia.

“We’ve got rights to have public holiday pay now, which we’ve never had in our career before,” said a union spokeswoman called Mystical Melody. “We’ve got rosters and set hours. We can’t work more than 10 hours a shift.”

The award also entitles unionized strippers to overtime, rest periods, meal breaks and maternity leave, she added.

“The majority of workers in the industry are women,” Melody said, “so it’s probably a really great thing for them to be able to feel confident of having a job after they’ve had their babies.”

Industrial relations commissioner Bill Mansfield said the award set out minimum working conditions but did not set out pay rates.

It was not immediately clear how many members the union has. Its members are believed to work mainly in strip bars and as erotic dancers.

In the past, other strippers have criticized the union, saying its demands for better pay and conditions could lead to job losses.

Link To Story

Speaking of bad videos…

During my search for the Carl Lewis madness, I stumbled across this. I remember when it first premiered on both BET & MTV…and was so horrendous that it was banned and a second video had to be re-shot. Ladies and gentlemen, people with jobs, people without jobs, middle class, upper class, high class…all that, cats, snakes, chickens, ducks, elderly people and twerkers, I present to you: Pumps In A Bump (Original Version) – MC Hammer

"Uh oh…" a.k.a. The Unintentional Comedic Stylings of Carl Lewis (Updated)

I’ve been looking for this video for years…

$1000 to whoever can get me the video of Carl Lewis singing the National Anthem. If you`ve never seen it, you`re missing out on one of the greatest moments in American history. January 21, 1993. Chicago Bulls vs. New Jersey Nets. There`s nothing better than watching an entire arena try not to laugh at this dude. Here`s the audio:

Carl Lewis butchers the national anthem

This shit never gets old…

“and the roc-kets… red glare ! uh oh…”

I love this shit. I can still see Scottie Pippen laughing and putting his head on the dude in front of him. It was brilliant. Then when he gets to the “land of the freeeeee”, most people usually go up to a higher pitch on “free”, he went deep voice with it. The only thing that comes close is when he threw out the first pitch at a Mariners game a couple years ago and the ball landed about 6 feet in front of him and rolled to the catcher. And he had the nerve to ask for the ball back to do it again. Here’s the clip:

Carl Lewis vs. Tommy Lasorda

And to think, this is one of the greatest athletes of all time. For more tragically funny shit, check out his acting reel and music videos on his website.

I need a new template…

Anyone wanna volunteer to do it for me ? Bueller ?…Bueller ?

T.I. is the coolest nigga on the planet

Why ? 2 reasons.

  1. He wears his caps like Simon Adebisi on HBO’s “Oz”. Them shits must be stuck on with titty tape cause they never look like they’re in danger of falling off.
  2. Even though he’s famous & got a lil bread, he still comes home to this chick.

That’s loyalty, I can respect that. Me on the other hand, would be out flossin with Ms. New Booty er’day of the week. Swapping out chicks every other sunday, hella fast, “switching speeds like Bruce Lee riding a fuji in the movie”.* Cause that girl is NOT cute. At all. It’s hard for me to say that, cause everybody has something cute going on…cept this broad. I mean, back when Xscape was hot, and it was good times for light-skinnededed chicks, she still wasn’t on most dudes’ “chicks i wanna hit” list. And ya boy Tip done went and locked her down. That, my friends, is loyalty…or she has some incriminating photos of T.I. and Carl Lewis.

*Obscure hip hop reference of the week

"Ayy, where da white women at ?"

I was just emailed this link earlier, and the shit just made me laugh: The Sexy White Girls of BP, yes, the sexy WHITE girls of bp. Now I haven’t spent much time there since them fuckas banned me, but I had to go check this out. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve got nothing against white chicks. I’ve personally played in the snow once or twice myself, so there’s no malicious intent in this. But having pages dedicated to the sexy WHITE girls of BP is just hilarious to me. I mean, any pages dedicated damn near anything on BP (BP’s sexiest fingernails, the hottest knees on BP, BP’s sweatiest asscrack, etc.) crack me the fuck up, but this is a whole ‘nother kind of funny. This is like the Aryan Nation sponsoring the BET awards kind of funny. But what really seals the deal for me are the banners and the quotes: “it’s not our fault that every black man’s fantasy is to have a white girl by his side” and “love may be blind, but life would be brighter with a white girl…every black man should have one.” I mean, when did this survey take place, cause I damn sure wasn’t consulted. As I type this, I’m thinking about the “women I wanna get nekkid with” list, and the first snowflake pops up on the list at about #8. Numbers 1 through 7 are either Black, Latina, Asian or some random mixture, then the Becky. And I’m pretty sure that’s the same for most Black men. Anyway, for those of you who have BP accounts, feel free to send them dirty notes and harass them while I go watch my “Girls Gone Wild” dvd.

Ladies and gentlemen,
People with jobs,
People without jobs,
Middle class,
Upper class,
High class, all that,
Cats, snakes, chickens, ducks,
Elderly people and twerkers,
I present to you…
Miguel’s greatest hits v2.0
Click em all, bitches !

The muthafuckin Smurf chronicles

Aaliyah really wasn’t much more talented than Ciara

20 reasons why Halle Berry in NOT the finest women in the world

Nicole Richie vs. Lindsay Lohan: Who ya got ?

Rules of the crackhouse

If you have kids, you need this

the “White people with good intentions, fucking things up series:

Chapter 1: Fergie ruined BEP

Chapter 2: People who would be happier if Gwen Stefani didn’t exist

Chapter 3: Maury Povich doesn’t care about black people

Bow Wow is gonna die this year

Public Service Announcement

“They fuck you at the drive-thru” – Joe Pesci

Me vs. Uncle Ruckus @ Taco Bell

Question(s) O’ the muhfuckin’ day

The Academy Awards are this sunday…and all I wanna know is:

  • Who’s gonna perform “It’s Hard Out Here For A Pimp” ?
  • How did that song get nominated for an Oscar (over my personal favorite, “Whoop That Trick”) ?

The thought of it being performed at the whitest awards show in existence just brings a smile to my face. I just wish it was the other song instead. Can you imagine Terence Howard getting the crowd to say “Get ‘Em !!!” after everytime he says “Whoop That Trick !”. Oscar Crunk at it’s finest.

And I’m not joking when I say I like this song. When it first came out, it was in regular rotation. This shit slaps.

"Hypothetically, if I had 4 minutes…"

So, while I was just driving home from work, I heard the new theme song to the Maury Povich show a.k.a. “Hypothetically” by Lyfe Jennings & Fantasia. I mean this shit is just plain ol’ ignant. I don’t know what else to say about it. Listen for ya self. Following that one was “4 minutes” by Avant. Nigga, if your relationship is so bad that you can count down how much time you have left, just tap out. Obviously, this shit ain’t for you. There is no way in hell you’re getting this broad back…I couldn’t even listen to all it, so I have no idea if he actually got his heffa back or not. But, it’s still a no-win situation. It’s like trying to piss up a rope…the shit ain’t gonna happen. Take the loss my nigga, take the loss. I need to start writing songs.