Archive for January, 2006

On "Unpredictable"…

does Jamie Foxx say that he has a “stragety” instead of “strategy” ? I swear he does. Tell me I’m wrong.

More proof that I’m ahead of the curve….

I said that Bow Wow would be tragically gunned down by the summertime…and it seems we’re right on schedule. Will Smith recently responded to Bow Wow’s comments in XXL. If you didn’t read it or see it on MTV News, here’s a little of what ol boy had to say.

“But to me, honestly Will wasn’t like a real rapper.”

But wait, there’s more…

“He was more like a gimmick. Then he zapped in to get a TV show, and it was on and poppin’. Then after that he was in Hollywood. So things came easy for him. With me, I’m a rapper. I ain’t with the whole colorful cornball type things. That’s just not my style.”

Then the lil niglet goes on to say…

”Will [Smith] can act, but he does more of those blockbuster Hollywood movies, which I wanna do. But also I wanna do it like Denzel-movies that really mean something. I feel like I can definitely be better than him.”

Says the star of classic films like “Roll Bounce” & “Like Mike”. But don’t fret, Mr. Smith politely put young Boweezy in his place with this:

“A grown man don’t answer to no child. I’m a grown ass man. I cut records before his momma let somebody cut to have him.” Smith also added, “My worst movie (Wild Wild West) grossed almost twice as your best movie (Like Mike). Check the records and read a book young man.”

When you’re getting clowned by Will Smith, it’s time to take a step back and re-evaluate your situation. Just stick to spitting the rhymes that JD is writing for you, and enjoy what little time you have left. Cause the clock is at 13:43.

This probably won’t be funny to anyone who reads this

But it’s so true. For those of you who have worked on cruise ships, you understand. The bolded ones are my favorites. Thanks Stacey 🙂

In the real world you can come and go to and from your house at anytime, without the need to sign in or out at the front door. It’s also possible to walk from your front door to the roadway or sidewalk without having to be ferried there in a small boat driven by a group of complete incompetents.

In the real world you don’t have to be back at home one hour before your house starts moving.

In the real world, if you vomit people will not treat you as though you have just released the Ebola virus into widespread circulation. Neither will small men in outbreak suits appear to hose down your house. Nor will you have to spend 72 hours locked in your bedroom watching a parade of dreary Meg Ryan films.

In the real world Bingo is a game for old people and the rules do not stipulate that only Filipinos can win.

In the real world people play football, rugby, cricket, lawn bowls and other interesting sports. They can play darts and table-tennis without any concerns that motion may affect the arena of battle. And they’d never play a game as stupid as shuffleboard.

In the real world when people ask how you are, you do not have to be “Excellent.” You could be “not bad”, “hung-over”, “bloody awful’ or dispense with words completely and resort to hand gestures.

In the real world you don’t have to reassure visitors to your house that it’s not about to sink simply because it may be a little windy outside.

In the real world your spare time can revolve around hobbies, sports or a huge amount of television channels in your own language, rather than just watching DVD’s. There are also more than three episodes of Friends.

In the real world you can make telephone calls without using calling cards, and have internet access in your home on demand.

In the real world (unless you join the military) bedroom inspections can end when you stop living with your parents. You can also eat food in your bedroom if you want.

In the real world there is no need, on a weekly basis, to simulate how you would respond if your house was on fire (my advice is get out). Neither do you have to stand outside for 30 minutes in all weather conditions wearing an oversized, sleeveless luminous orange puffa jacket.

In the real world (even in major cities) the tap-water does not taste of recycled chlorine. Neither does the bottled water.

In the real world bread tastes nice and people serve scrambled eggs made from real, egg-shaped eggs. And people in the real world don’t regard Pot-noodles, cheese’ums, onion crisps or Dime bars as luxuries.

In the real world you don’t have to dress for dinner, and portion size or standard of meals rarely depends on the quality of the working relationship you enjoy with your work colleagues.

In the real world there are talented artists with the freedom to work with a variety of materials and subjects. They don’t exclusively carve fruit or fold napkins.

In the real world you will not get 20% discount in all shops and a 20% discount in all bars. Having said that, the shops will stock items which are useful to you and the bars will be located within easy staggering distance of a kebab shop.
In the real world your local pub will inform you when your bar-tab is getting a little substantial, allowing you to control it and not causing you to go into shock after a month of blissfully ignorant drinking.

In the real world you can have a fight in the pub and not be fired the moment you turn up for work the following day.

In the real world you can get as drunk as you like. You will not be breathalysed during the night to ensure you are capable of dealing with any nocturnal emergencies (eg. Your house sinking or the helicopter evacuation of an overweight guest from your roof)

In the real world it’s easy to pull a sickie from work and not get found out.

In the real world people work for five days and then have two days off. They start at 9am and finish at 5pm. They do not go to work one morning and return home four or six months later. (What sort of demented idea is that?)

In the real world you have the freedom of fashion sense, and can make educated choices about the way you want to dress.

In the real world you do your own laundry and take full responsibility for the amount of socks you end up with. People in the real world usually understand how their washing-machines work too.

In the real world you can sit on the toilet and flush it without any concern that your intestines may be sucked out and dragged down to an unknown destination several floors below.

In the real world you have the choice about whether or not you want a bed fitted with a ladder.

In the real world you have to buy your own condoms.

In the real world sexual success is rarely measured by the amount of stripes on the shoulder of the person you’ve just managed to lay.

In the real world relationships can work sometimes.

And finally…

In the real world it is possible to do things discreetly.

I’m supposed to be working right now…

but I’m bored as shit, cause there’s nothing is going on. I gotta figure out a way to rig Yahoo! messenger up to this bitch without getting busted.

I’m back bitches !

The new job has been keeping me pretty busy, but I’m about to get back in gear, so you can stop emailing me with the “When are you gonna update ?” questions. I’m here niggas.

Bow Wow is gonna die this year…you heard it here first

And these niggas will be responsible for it.

This is a random i.m. excerpt from the other day, inspired by watching Bow Wow’s “Fresh Azimiz” video…I have convo’s like this all the time:

me: somewhere, kris kross is plotting the death of lil bow wow
xxxxxx: he has it comin
me: yes and no
me: he’s wack, but the lil bastard knows his place and plays it well
xxxxxx: true…..and the little girls love him
me: this nigga bow wow is running around with a diamond grill and an r&b girlfriend, meanwhile, daddy mack & mack daddy are working at home depot and burger king
xxxxxx: nooo…..are they really ?
me i don’t know
me: i saw a picture of the dark one, and he’s looking like 1/2 a fag
me: still rocking hoop earrings and a blonde fade
me: i hope it was an old pic
xxxxxx: yes….cause that would be wiggity wiggity wack
me: oh god, you didn’t
xxxxxx: ahh….but i did
me: good work
me: i commend you
xxxxxx: gracias…….
me: i should write this down for blog purposes

That’s how it started.

But honestly, can’t you see this shit going down ?

“Hip hop star Bow Wow was gunned down today in downtown Atlanta, under a hail of sniper fire. The police have no suspects.”

They had the same spot as Bow Wow, but for some reason they got cast aside as they got older. No movies or sitcom appearances. Nothing. Granted, times were a lot different then, but how come they got treated like a wet food stamp ? Their last cd, “Young, Rich & Dangerous” is better than anything Bow Wow has ever put out. And I’m sure if JD can continue to put Da Brat’s wack ass out every year, Kris Kross has at least one more hit in ’em. He could have let them get one of those songs he’s writing for Bow Wow. They built So So Def, he owes it to them.

Early frontrunner for "Dumbest Nigga Of The Year"

Knocking Maurice Clarett from the number one spot, this fool is pulling his strap out on teenagers in the Mickey D’s parking lot. Ol’ Hamburglar ass nigga was in enough trouble before he was trying to jack fools for super-sized #4’s.

Marcus Vick arrested after saying he’ll go pro
Associated Press

RICHMOND, Va. — Former Virginia Tech quarterback Marcus Vick, booted from the team last week for his behavior on and off the field, was charged Monday with pulling a gun on three teenagers during an altercation in a restaurant parking lot. Vick surrendered at the Suffolk magistrate’s office after three warrants were issued for his arrest Sunday, Magistrate Lisa Noel said.

The 21-year-old Vick was charged with three misdemeanor counts of brandishing a firearm, and was released on $10,000 bond.

Police said the parents of a 17-year-old boy reported that Vick pointed a weapon at their son and two others during an altercation at a McDonald’s in Suffolk, a southeastern Virginia city where Vick’s mother lives, Sunday night.

If convicted of all three counts, Vick could be sentenced to up to three years in jail and a $7,500 fine, police spokeswoman Lt. Debbie George said in a statement.

Vick is the younger brother of Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick. He was the runner-up to Wake Forest’s Chris Barclay, by one vote, as the Atlantic Coast Conference’s offensive player of the year, and was the league’s first-team quarterback.

Marcus Vick Timeline

Sept. 2, 2003: Suspended for one game by coach Frank Beamer for undisclosed reason.
Feb. 17, 2004: Arrested without incident and charged with four misdemeanors — three for allegedly allowing underage girls to have alcohol and one for allegedly having sex with a 15-year-old at a January party. Released on $2,500 bond.
May 14, 2004: Convicted of three counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor and sentenced to 30 days in jail and fined $2,250. Found not guilty of having sex with the 15-year-old.
July 3, 2004: Charged with reckless driving and possession of marijuana after a traffic stop about 25 miles east of Richmond, Va. at 2:30 a.m. Police said he was clocked at 86 mph, 21 mph above the speed limit, and that the vehicle smelled of marijuana.
July 6, 2004: Indefinitely suspended from football team for off-field problems.
Aug. 3, 2004: Suspended from the university for the 2004 season on same day he pleads guilty to reckless driving and no contest to marijuana possession in New Kent, Va. Is fined $300, has driver’s license suspended for 60 days and is placed in a first offender program on the marijuana charge, requiring that he perform 24 hours of community service, undergo drug counseling and random drug tests, and give up his driver’s license for six months.
Sept. 13, 2004: In plea deal, pleads no contest to one misdemeanor count of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Receives 30-day suspended jail sentence, is fined $100, ordered to perform 24 hours of community service and stay away from the teenage girls.
Jan. 17, 2005: Cleared to rejoin football team and re-enroll at Virginia Tech.
Oct. 1, 2005: Leads No. 3 Hokies to 34-20 victory at West Virginia, and makes obscene gesture to fans who have been calling him names related to past problems throughout the game. He apologized a day later.
Dec. 17, 2005: Pulled over by police in Hampton, Va. for driving 38 mph in a 25 mph zone and driving with a suspended license.
Jan. 2, 2006: Leads Virginia Tech to a 35-24 win over Louisville in Gator Bowl. In the game, he stomped on the left calf of Cardinals All-American defensive end Elvis Dumervil, the NCAA sacks leader. Claims the incident was accidental and that he apologized to Dumervil, who denies ever receiving apology.
Jan 6, 2006: Is kicked off team at Virginia Tech for legal trouble and unsportsmanlike conduct in Gator Bowl.

"How was your chicken ? I thought the chicken was lovely…"

Now I figured I wouldn’t say anything about this shit since everybody else is, but dammit I have to. First of all, How does Flav go from “Fight The Power” to this shit ? I mean, Surreal Life was aight. I was still with him. But Strange Love, and now this ? You lost me, Flav. But at the same time, I can’t stop watching this train wreck of a show. One reason is, I actually went out with one of the girls a couple times a few years back. I want to see how far she’s gonna go. Secondly, I like to watch chicks argue over nonsense. Shit is funny. Lastly, I want to see the level of coonery that Flav is gonna stoop to over the run of the show. I need to go over to to see what Chuck D has to say about these shenanigans.

P.S. Tell me that “Goldie” don’t look like Arsenio Hall.

Public Service Announcement 01/05/06

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So, last night I’m at Yankee Doodles watching the Trojans throw away the national championship, and I had a very entertaining, and enlightening moment. I walk to the bar to get myself a drink, and I squeeze into a spot next to the bar. Mind you, everybody and their mama is in this bitch, and as I’m making my way up to the bar, I make eye contact with the chick next to me. Being the gentleman that I am, I say “Hey, how ya doin ?” and this chick responds with “I got a man”. What ?!?!?! Now, normally I’d respond with some sort of smartass remark, but this time I just shook my head and laughed. I wasn’t trying to holla, I just figured that since we’re sharing the same 18 inch radius, I could at least say hi, but Angry Sista had to come at me like that. Damn. So here’s my little bit of advice…ladies, every dude that speaks to you isn’t trying to get your number, find out your name, or get you back to the crib so you can hurry up and show him your thong (Sup Junie). Sometimes hello just means hello.

Click Here To See The P.S.A. for November

Click Here To See The P.S.A. for December

Drugs ? Bulimia ? I am shocked !

I called this 6 months ago…I was even taking bets. Just call me Negrodamus.

Lindsay Lohan got a little more personal in a recent magazine interview.

In a tell-all interview in the latest issue of Vanity Fair, on newsstands Wednesday, the Mean Girls star confesses that she experimented with drugs and struggled with bulimia, the latter to blame for whittling her body down to a skeletal figure that even she found “disgusting.”

“I was sick,” Lohan said in the interview. “I had people sit me down and say, ‘You’re going to die if you don’t take care of yourself.'”

If you’re interested, you can read the rest here: She be on that kryptonite.
I love it when I’m right.

During a recent appearance on “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno”, Lindsay couldn’t wait to throw her ass at Juelz Santana. If you haven’t seen the clip, she literally ran over to him to do this. I heard on the radio that she was fuckin with Nick Cannon now, and even showed up to the 50 Cent/Mobb Deep video shoot a couple weeks back. I guess it confirms she really is getting her “young white girl” on.

White people with good intentions, fucking things up. (Remix)

Let me preface this by saying that I have nothing against caucasians. I love white folks, they’re very entertaining. I just like to pop a lot of shit, and what I’m putting down here is the same stuff I say to my white friends on a regular basis. If it doesn’t bother them, it shouldn’t bother you. If it does…I don’t care. Really, I don’t. With that said, I bring to you the second installment in a series of what I like to call “Miguel-isms”.

Chapter 1: Fergie Ruined The Black Eyed Peas

Chapter 2: People who would be happier if Gwen Stefani didn’t exist

The rest of No Doubt
These cats were on top of the world…the hottest punk/ska band in the world, then Gwen decided that she wanted to explore her hip hop/r&b side on their last cd. Then she started to pop up on hip hop tracks by Eve, N.E.R.D.,Dr. Dre, etc. and lo and behold, people embraced it and there’s been no looking back since. We hadn’t seen an artist flip their style that fast since Mariah got divorced and wanted to prove how “down” she was. And the rest of the band have been left wondering “What about us ?”, kinda like Public Announcement when R. Kelly broke out on them.

This chick hasn’t been seen since she worked with Gwen. It started back 02 with “Let Me Blow Ya Mind” when Eve was at her peak. Dr. Dre decided to put Gwen on the hook, the song blew up then Eve promptly disappeared from the hip hop scene. Only resurfacing to reunite with Gwen last year on “Rich Girl”. Popping her head out of her TV/Movie hole long enough for us to watch the nail being hammered into her hip hop coffin. So sad.

Gavin Rossdale
Dude was having a pretty decent career with his band Bush, but then he and Gwen got married and his career is virtually non existent. Once known as a star in his own right, now he’s referred to as Gwen Stefani’s husband, and as of a few weeks ago he picked up a new title…Gwen’s baby daddy. He’s on the phone with Ryan Phillipe’s counselor as we speak.

Pharrell Williams
Dude was having a hell of a year in 2005. Dropping hits left and right with cats like Slim Thug, Omarion, Nelly, Snoop Dogg, Mariah Carey and even hooked Gwen up with “Hollaback Girl”. That was the 2nd step in the Gwen-fection process. The third occurred when they hooked up again for the lead single to Lil Skateboard P’s solo album. “Can I Have It Like That ?” came out and blazed up the charts, got radio and club spins and the video was all over tv. Then his album got mysteriously pushed back with no explanation. But I know why…

Gwen Stefani is a career killer. If you see her coming, cross the street.

*But I do want 4 chicks to follow me around though

Coming soon…
Chapter 3: Maury Povich is an asshole

Psst ! Hey you..

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