Archive for July, 2005

You know what I hate ?

When people say “you can’t have your cake and eat it too”. What the hell is this supposed to mean ? What else am I expected to do with my cake ? Do what you want with yours, but I’m eating mine. I thought that was the purpose. Next time someone says this to you, slap them…hard.


The C.H.P. on some "Dukes Of Hazzard" shit

At lease TRY to turn
Click the link, sucka !


I just want to bite it

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Delilah Cotto, mmmmmmmmmmm


I can`t wait for the season to start…

This year, it’s on.
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Commitment To Excellence


Dy-no-miiiiite !!!!

TV Land has a “Good Times” marathon running all weekend long. Watch it, bitches.

BTW, Michael was the gayest black militant ever.


More proof that Smithers is gay…

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"Lungs, lungs, muthafuckin lungs…"


“And if you see me on the freeway, baby don’t pass
Slow down and put ’em on the glass” – Sir Mix-A-Lot

I got an email today about my post about Ebony Eyez’ “In Ya Face”. Basically, it was a rant about how men make worse songs than that. I never said that we didn’t. But it’s expected from us. Women protest this kind of stuff, and shake their asses to it at the same time. Make up your minds. So, in the spirit of pissing off even more people, click the link to download one of my favorite songs.
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Put ‘Em On The Glass


Even though I don’t think I am…

I’ve always been funny. When I was about 4, I asked my grandmother if the world was in black & white when she was a kid. I don’t remember her answer, but I do remember asking the question. I figured that since old tv shows and movies were black and white, then the rest of the world was as well. I’m gonna ask her again, to see if she remembers.


Just Ig’nant

Yamps and slores have a new anthem:

Now would you let me put my ass in ya face (in ya face)
(Would you let me put my ass in ya face)
If i let you bend me over by the waist (by the waist)
(If i let you bend me over by the waist)

“In Ya Face” – Ebony Eyez

I’ve been hearing this song everywhere lately. I can’t get away from it. I’m at this function Magic Johnson had over the weekend, and the wack-ass dj (known to the world as Biz Markie, more on that later) puts it on…and damn near every chick there rushed the dancefloor. Now, I was talking to this chick earlier, and she was spitting that “I’m not like the rest of these hoes…” ya-ya rhetoric. When the song came on, I saw her with her palms on the floor, ass in the air, shaking in such a way that would make an earthquake proud. Anyway, back to my point. When “ladies” are dancing to, and singing along with this shit, are they even paying attention to what they’re saying ? Let me break it down for you slow asses. I’m going to put the lyrics in conversation form.

Ebony Eyez: I’ll let you hit, if you give me a little tongue action too.
Me: Deal
1 minute 26 seconds later…
Ebony Eyez: I thought you were gonna lick my kitty ?
Me: Nigga Please. *As I George Jefferson stroll out of the room*

At first listen, it may seem like this is empowering to women, like they’re in control of the situation. “Pussy Power !”. Not really. It’s just a jedi mind trick. Justifying your ho like tendencies. Moral of the story…women of the world, don’t let this happen to you. Don’t support dumb ass music.


I’m a fashion icon

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Who needs Gordon Gartrelle ? I wear Ichi Amada by Denise Huxtable, bitch !


The "Nigga Please" moment of the week

  • I Can’t Make This Shit Up
  • Click The Link, Fool !


    Do you hate

    That fuckin Jamster Frog as much as I do ?

    If you said yes, then shoot his bitch ass right here :

  • Kill The Frog
  • I got 81


    I want to do a movie

    I’ve been writing for a while now, but it all comes out in story form…like in high school. I have a couple of ideas that I’ve come up with, but I have no clue as to how to put them in script form, or even how to link the stories. I need to find a real writer. Any volunteers ?
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    If shit like this can get made, then I can do one too.


    I love L.A.

    But I’m ready to leave it. After being away from it so long, now that I’ve been spending a lot of time here, it’s just not the same. It’s hard to say what it is, but I’m ready to bounce.

    Miami – The sexiest place in the world…but as this week shows, hurricanes will come through and completely fuck up your sexy. I’m not into having to run away from my place of residence, and when I come back, it’s 3 blocks from where I left it.

    Las Vegas – Very similar to the cruise ship lifestyle that I’ve grown accustomed to. And it’s only 3.5-4 hrs from L.A. Downside, it’s in the middle of the fuckin desert.

    San Diego – My second home. I know San Diego as well as I know L.A. But there’s not much to do as far as entertainment goes. You can only hang out in the Gasmlamp District so much.

    Little Rock – Ok, don’t laugh, but I have a shitload of relatives in Arkansas, and there’s potentially a lot of money to be made there with this idea my cousin is working on. I might get down with him for a year or two, but it’s fuckin Arkansas.

    Barcelona – I wish.

    Atlanta – See Miami.

    I need to figure out where I want to be. Phooey.


    The Funny

    If this doesn`t make you laugh, then you have no soul. Click these:

    Singing Monkeys

    Touching Things Is Fun


    Thought of the day

    I’m ready to be come some womans trophy husband…I need to be on some Kevin Federline, Bobby Brown shit. I wanna be taken care of, somebody hook the kid up :-p


    I’m going to hell for this one…

    Who’s gonna o.d. and/or die first ?
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    Nicole Richie

    Then:
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    Now:
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    or

    Lindsay Lohan

    Then:
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    Now:
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    I’m taking bets…


    Halle Berry is NOT the finest woman in the world…

    This is a recurring debate between me and my cousin. So I decided to put my money where my mouth is, and come up with a list. Here are 20 women who are better looking than Halle Berry’s overrated ass. In no particular order:

    1. Kate Beckinsale
    2. Gabrielle Union
    3. Eva LaRue
    4. Jessica Alba
    5. Hiromi Oshima
    6. LeeAnn Tweeden
    7. Jill Jones
    8. Rosalyn Sanchez
    9. Paula Garces
    10.Beyonce Knowles
    11.Scarlett Johansson
    12.Patricia Velasquez
    13.Nicole Ari Parker
    14.Sofia Milos
    15.Veronica Webb
    16.Meagan Good
    17.Leila Arcieri
    18.Kelly Rowland
    19.Anna Kournikova
    20.Tera Patrick

    Think I’m wrong ? Prove it…


    This shit never gets old

    I just watched “The Ladykillers” again, and the on scene that kills me is when Marlon Wayans and J. K. Simmons are going at it in the restaurant…

    “You bought yo bitch to the Waffle Hut ? You bought yo bitch to the Waffle Hut ?”

    “Hey, hey, no need for name calling. Mountain Girl is my partner. We split everything 50/50.”

    “Fuck you and the Swiss Miss…Y’all lookin at me like I’m some kind of fuck up, and he bought his bitch to the Waffle Hut !”

    The fact that he couldn’t say “brought” kills me everytime I hear it. If you haven’t seen it, go get it…cause I said so.


    In The Past 5 years…

    I’ve been to 33 different countries. Partied in at least 28 of them. Threatened with jail time in 2…almost died in 1…and I didn’t have to pay for any of it.


    Now I need to fill in some of those empty spots. I plan on hitting at least 2 new countries per year, until I get old and decrepit. But now, it’s gotta come out of my own pocket. 😦


    Fun With Models (Or So-Called, Wannabe Model Types)

    So, last night is my birthday. And I’m out with some friends. And my boy brings some friends along, including “Vanessa”. Now, I’ve met her a few times, never once seen this girl smile, smirk, chuckle or laugh. She’s one of those “I’m too sexy to show emotion” types. So, me being the ass that I am, randomly says to her “Does your evil ass ever smile ?” Which resulted in 2 people choking on drinks and a 3rd almost having vodka come out of her nose. I spent a good 10 minutes on the subject. The fact that she didn’t even flinch made it even more comical. I even busted out some random old-school dances right in front her, even grabbing her hand and trying really hard to get her to at least move a little. Didn’t work. Only a heartless bitch could resist moves like this.
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    So finally I go, “You’re like some kind of wierd cross between The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, and Grouchy Smurf. From now on, you’re known to me as Grinchy Smurf”…I’m willing to bet that she’s a chick that has a lot of men sleep with her and never call again…and she wonders why. I’ll tell you why…she has 0.21% personality (I figure 0% is statistically impossible, so I rounded up). Everything she has going for her, is on the outside, at least from my experiences with her. She might be the best person in the world, but none of us will ever know. I’m going to make it my personal goal to be her friend. It’s a challenge now.

    This is the soundtrack for this weekend. If you don’t have it, get it.


    It’s my birthday

    Who got me a present ?


    This is gonna piss some people off, but…

    Why do people insist on Aaliyah being some sort of great talent ? I hate to break it to you, but she really wasn`t all that great. She`s no more talented than, let`s say, Ciara. Marginal vocal ability + Timbaland`s high quality production = the world thinking that she was better than she really was. Yeah, I said it.


    Delicious

    My birthday is next week, and this is what I want.
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