Archive for May, 2005

When I was a kid, I thought MacGyver was a genius…

I watched it the other day and realized how absolutely stupid that show was. But now I`m addicted to CSI…the Gil Grissom character is now officially the smartest person in television history. King Kong ain`t got shit on him. I bet he could help Gargamel find his way back to the Smurf village.
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Random Thoughts

Do infants enjoy infancy as much adults enjoy adultery ?

Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids instead of asteroids ?

If a tree falls in the forest and there`s no one there to hear it, do the other trees laugh ?

If we aren`t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat ?

Why isn`t there more than one in every crowd ?

If rabbit`s feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit ?

Have you considered that with enough people, ropes, duct tape, and electricity, you actually could lead a horse to water and make it drink ?

Did God invent alcohol so ugly people can have sex too ?

Did you know that Cheerios are really donut seeds ?

if the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax ?

What if the hokey pokey really is what it`s all about ?

Why aren`t there ever any guilty bystanders ?


Crazy/Brilliance

They say there`s a thin line between genius and insanity, and R. Kelly is walking that line…I don`t know if the “Trapped In The Closet” saga is brilliant or the work of a lunatic.


The Muthafuckin Smurf Chronicles, Volume 1

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Smurfs are supposed to be 3 apples high, right ? That would make them 10-12″ tall. If that`s true, then the mushrooms they live in have to be least 3 feet high, 6 if it`s a 2-story shroom. If this is correct, why can`t Gargamel ever find the Smurf village ? All he has to do is find the part of the forest with the big-ass mushrooms, ya dig ? But no, he has to wait until he catches them slippin outside of the Smurf village. Which brings me to my next question…when he catches a couple, why does he always go take a nap before he turns the Smurfs into gold ? I actually have the answer to this one, and it takes us back to the Smurf village…when he grabs 3 or 4 Smurfs, he notices the mushrooms in the surrounding area and grabs a couple. He goes back to his castle, puts the captured Smurfs in a cage, and samples some of the shrooms. Now, these are a little more potent that he`s used to, so immediately he`s high as giraffe ass. While he`s on the couch trippin, the Smurfs are escaping. He passes out for a while, and wakes up to an empty Smurf cage and notices that he`s pissed all over himself. He gets mad, kicks Azrael the cat, and goes back out to find the Smurfs. But the high potency mushrooms have smashed his short term memory, so he has no clue where to look. He stumbles around in the woods for a couple hours until he rolls up on a bunch of Smurfs getting high in the bushes. Grabs a couple, pockets some shrooms, and repeats his earlier act…this is a vicious cycle that he is doomed to repeat at least 3 times a day, for the rest of his life…